Ace’s Apps: Five Nights in Dating Hell

Welcome back Ace Cadets! No argument about the name this time? You’re writing up a formal complaint. Oh, well in that case I have some time then. We are kicking off my new segment this week! Strap in tight because its going to be a bumpy ride.

So I knew that the first segment had to be something special. Not your ordinary app. So I started browsing and-


No. Please do not be what I think you are.




Can we talk about how the default name is “you” and that there is a permanent banner at the top of the game that never goes away. When you type your name it also changes it to the dating sim cursive font very purposefully.


Remember in Five Nights at Freddy’s where Foxy only used pickup lines? Right guys? Do you remember that? Or when Freddy was a Tsundere character? And Springtrap pretends to be cutsey and loves cake until he snaps and kills you? (That last one might be accurate, its been awhile since I’ve played)


The endings range from the characters killing you to… marrying you and then killing you. You can also choose to sweep the floor and gather up hundreds of dollars, perhaps from the wallets of now childless parents??? And now that you have money (why wouldn’t you just quit your job after one day if you swept up $200 off the floor??), you need to spend it with…


Is… Is this meant to be Balloon Boy? Balloon man now (so, its okay for you to date him apparently). He sells you gifts and if you save up enough money-


I don’t know what I’m ‘feasting my eyes on’, but I don’t like it. I want a refund. After this, they had a “new gen” version with Chica (which isn’t even new gen???), grumpy Bonnie, and same as Foxy Mangle. After breezing through that I moved on to “Phantom Generation” mode not really knowing what to expect.


I’m thinking the same thing Gross Slime Teddy. Let’s consider our other options.


Apparently me. Well, better try the last bachelor. The silent character “Mime” where this happens when you max out their path.


Sadly, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this. 10/10 too relate-able. Then you can unlock a mode called “???” where everything is the same, but all the characters have clown masks. I don’t even know anymore.1516

Yup, all things I look for in a Animatronic partner. After this I was feeling a little disappointed. It was missing something. Like maybe a game that’s not even trying to be similar to the original game at all! And also school and weird, non-canon plotlines! But where would I find something like that–


Well, maybe this won’t be so bad. It includes classic characters like18

Jared Leto Joker Teddy


Crying Emoticon Sad Bird tells me his name is GFreddy. I myself am also GF Ready. There are also other dating options like–


This. Wouldn’t you want to date this? Who wouldn’t? (Also, that hat appeared when I gave him a present that was not that hat) Unlike the other game, this one has some sort of plotline that begins to unravel as you talk to the other characters.


Wow. How is that still a thing? Also, why do students come to this school? Why do you need to be certified on how to jumpscare people anyways??? I have many questions that will go unanswered the farther in we get. After talking to GFreddy for awhile, he seems to snap out of his crazed mumbling and this happens.


This uh… seems pretty elaborate just to secure parts to a supposed Jumpscare Factory? (which is the title of another game they make that I didn’t have the heart to play) You also, learn why Foxy’s eye is gone.


So not because he is designed to look like a pirate, but because they were taken for trying to escape the school. But why is this traumatic for an Animatronic? They don’t feel pain and don’t really need both eyes or arms. If anything it should make it easier to scare people? Then another student comes in at the end who after painstakingly (and I mean PAINstakingly. Somehow this game was way more difficult and time consuming that the other one) completing the other routes I decided to give a go despite his looks:


Uuuuuuh yeah. You’re in a dating sim. That’s how this works. Everything was going pretty fine too until


No. Creepy purple man jumping out of my SO’s skin ranks pretty highly on things I never want to happen, especially in a dating sim. He then offers you a deal: fuck over your friends and graduate alone, or graduate with your precious friends and die. So I did the only logical thing one can do.


Still haven’t been able to get a job with my degree though. And if you refuse his offer this happens.


Romantic. Here’s some more screenshots.


You can escape out the door with the key GFreddy gives you and start your new life with Foxy? Even though you had to enter in a relationship with every character in the game to escape and you end up leaving all the others behind. There’s also a ??? mode in this game too that you can unlock.17838449_1689455197738787_304773195_o

You throw a Christmas Party. Merry Christmas you guys. ❤


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